If you find a bag of weed on the floor motherfucker — What the fuck you gonna do? Pick it up, pick it up…

I have been a neglectful neglecter and if this blog were a child, Child Protective Services would have investigated long ago. If you really want to know why I have been absent from here, read my personal blog … though I have neglected that blog also. I am sure an update will be there at some point.

Anyways, I want to mention the Method Man and Redman show I saw on April 23. Yes, that was almost a month ago

I need to get this down before the memory wanes.

I had trouble getting anyone to go at first, but finally got a hold of a friend through a friend who was ecstatic to accompany me. We stuck out like a sore thumb, but had the time of our lives.

The iconic duo mustered up every sinew and spick of spit to prove their worth. They worked the crowd like no other performance I had ever seen. There is no need no to hustle on the streets when they can hustle a crowd like they did.

“We aren’t only rappers, we’re also M.C.s,” Method Man said.

It could have easily turned out different with the mixed crowd of half-interested college students and “wanna-be ghetto, but really just Gainesville hick” citizens. Not many people filled the stadium, which suprised me since it was a free show. That did not end up mattering though.

As soon as they stepped on the stage, the energy was stepped up. I actually saw someone yawn during the opening acts, but mouths were only open in shouts of “Wu Tang” once Method and Red layed out their master plan.

Method jumped down into the crowd and prowled around on the chairs as he rapped the first song.

The two danced on the speaker systems, humping the air and pursing their lips. Redman did his quirky indian chop with a fist and discoed to the beat. They sprayed water bottles into the crowd, which seems like a cheap effect, but worked perfectly.

At one point, they demanded the crowd stop sitting in their designated seats and come up to the stage. The mob rushed to the front, pushing through police and security. The hands were up and waving.

They did everything from Wu Tang classics to originals from their classic stoner movie, “How High.”

It was too bad my friend and I were stuck on the side bleachers and could not bum rush the stage like everyone else. Luckily, Redman decided to come to us. He jumped the stage and climbed up the bleachers. We stood right by him and did awkward white dances with the small crowd. He fell into me to be hoisted up: a sweaty rapper falling on a weak college kid does not work out that well. We finally got him in the air and he crowd surfed off the bleachers.

“Redman fell on me!” I believe were my exact words to my girlfriend after leaving the show.

They threw leftover water bottles at the end and my friend ended up getting one. We called it “Wu Tang” water and drank it while walking home.

I heard last time Method man and Redman came to Gainesville a riot or something started. But that is just hearsay that I do not feel like researching or ruining. I can see them starting a riot.

I have gained tremendous respect for the duo. They are funny, entertaining and can rap like fuck. The whole reason I went to the show (besides the cheap price of free) was because I love Wu Tang clan and wanted to see a fraction of it through Method Man. I left with a million other reasons to have gone.

Snoop Dogg takes his time in order to give his woman a “Sexual Eruption” … or for the PG-philes — a “Sensual Seduction”

The “Sexual Eruption” music video (censored as “Sensual Seduction”) has been circulating on television channels and the internet for at least 2 months now. The watching experience goes in stages similar to those introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 for grief and loss.

Denial: “Did he really make such a terrible video/song?”

Anger: “Why am I humming along? Sure, he made the video in good humor, but it still pisses me off.”

Bargaining: “What? It’s on again? Mr. Snoop Doggy Dogg is lucky that the remote is so far away. I would take bamboo shoots under the fingernails to have my girlfriend change the channel.”

Depression: “Why can’t my love-making be how Snoop describes it? Look at all the shining women around him that I will never have.”

Acceptance: Singing to oneself on the way to work: “If you don’t know by now, Doggy Dogg is a freak freak freeeeaak.”

Here is a break-down:

The music — A mixture of vocoder/talkbox vocals, synthesizers, flutes, a triangle and a subtle rap beat.

The video — A wonderful parody making use of greased and teased hair through a soft-focus lens, fog machines, twinkling pinpoints of light and beds floating across galaxies.

The remix with Lil Kim — Her lyrics are even nastier than Snoop Dogg’s: “I like to take mine from behind so he can take control.” Her contribution adds even more flavor to the song, bringing it to a new level of ’sleazy-70s-song-to-bang-your-girlfriend-to’.

The verdict — A hilarious guilty pleasure whether the remix or original, single track or video. If you have not heard it yet, go cycle through the steps — I will meet you at acceptance.

And then we can wait.

The album drops in March.

There will be no guest appearances on the album, sources said. It will be 100-percent Snoopy Doggy Dizzle. Just the way it should be.